I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
