he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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