Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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