I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
