and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
