T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
