I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Randomize