I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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