if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
