I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
