i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
