i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
