I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Randomize
