I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
