we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
