Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Drake has all the answers
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
