this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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