You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
My ATM looks so different sober.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize