you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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