you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
