AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
