im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Randomize
