Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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