UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
