I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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