So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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