he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
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