Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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