are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
