I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
