he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
