dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
