having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I have so many feelings about this burrito
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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