why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
