Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
