Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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