I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
