VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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