Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize