Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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