Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
