My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
