umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
