Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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