Your tits are I can't wait for
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Randomize
