Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
