Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
