he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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