We got so high we made milksteak
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
