piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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