Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
