I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
