why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
