I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
