Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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