so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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