If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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