Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
