The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
