too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
