RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
