is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
