Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
