two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
If I die, sorry about rent.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
