Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize