5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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