I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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