upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
