I just made out with a guy for $7.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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