just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
