i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
foreskin is a definite game changer
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
