stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
