Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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