There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
