Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
