I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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