I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
