I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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