i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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