Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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