wat bout pragnant strippers??
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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