So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
