I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
