Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
