My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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