Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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