I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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