I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
