Farmville is her only friend.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
