Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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