Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
