What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
