...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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