I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
