My nipple is on Facebook.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
