Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
