ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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