i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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