Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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