Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
