Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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