well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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