the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
honey bunches of taint.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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