I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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